| Every girl daydreams about how one day her Mr. right will come and sweep her off her feet. How he'll propose and how they'd have a huge white wedding and her dad would walk her down the aisle and give her away. She imagines the house they will live in with their kids and how they'll move off to college, and live happily ever after growing old together. But no girl thinks about her pregnant self. At least I didn't... Not having very much to go on, considering I'm the youngest and only girl of my siblings, I had never been around a pregnant woman. I guess I had the stereotypical pregnant woman in my head; Waddling around with a big basket-ball belly, constantly eating brownies and ice-cream and pickles. I'm pretty disappointed to say the least. I found out I was pregnant on October 1st... Two weeks after my missed period and my boyfriend saying, "What do you need a pregnancy test for? You're not pregnant..." At that point I was pretty antsy so I called a friend over to take me to Walgreens. When we were leaving, my boyfriend asked me where I was going... The only thing I could think of was to get candy, lol. As soon as I said it I felt myself blush and I knew he could see right through me. (I'm a terrible liar.) Then I told him straight-forward it won't go away if we ignore it. I needed to know. Lo and behold, a little blue plus sign on my Error-Proof-Test pee stick. UGH. EMOTION. EMOTION. EXITEMENT. ANGER. SADNESS. LOVE. FEAR. EMOTION. SO MUCH EMOTION! For about a month I bounced back and forth with insane bi-polarism. I was so excited that a little life was growing inside of me. Angry that I was so irresponsible and I let this happen. Overwhelming sadness when I thought about abortion (I'm pro-choice). Adoption was not an option. Love because this is what my boyfriend and I had made this little life out of. Fear of what was to come and the saccrifices and the judgement and let-down of my friends and family... But mostly anger. I'm so ashamed to say that I do recall saying that I hated the thing growing inside of me. I took it back a million times, but I wish I hadn't said it at all. A month after I found out I was pregnant, I was planning to move back to South Carolina to have the baby near my parents. Unfortunately, my boyfriend would have had to stay in Indiana to find a job. I moved in November and got on the ball with Insurance and choosing my ObGyn and unpacking everything. Well, that didn't last long because my dead-beat abusive brother ruined all of my plans. Basically, after only three weeks, he ran me out of my home by saying "I'll slit your fucking throat, cunt!" Sibling rivalry at it's best. My boyfriend came to pick me up, and that was the end of that. Now we're living with his Mom and Step Dad. Not the best living arrangements, but they're helping us more than we could even ask for, and I'm not receiving threats every other day. So, I'm back in Indiana the day after Thanksgiving (Oh yeah, I had to leave my parents on Thanksgiving) after a 15 hour trip, re-doing all of the Insurance paperwork, finding a doctor, getting settled in. I'd like to point out that I hadn't even seen a doctor yet, almost three months in. So, I'm waiting for Medicaid to approve me, meanwhile I'm surfing the internet to see if my Levothyroxine (Hypothyroidism meds) needs to be adjusted due to pregnancy, and I stumble upon my Blood Pressure meds, Lisinopril and Hyrochlorothyazide causing Birth Defects. Defects ranging from kidney failure, to hypotension, to death in the fetus. When I first found out I was pregnant, I checked all of my meds to see if I needed to stop taking them, they all said to ask my doctor. I didn't want to self-stop and cause more damage. And I assumed that if they were lethal to a fetus, they woud say so, so I decided to wait to see a doctor. Of course, me being a first-time mom, I rushed to the Emergency room. I got in pretty quickly, only sitting in the waiting room for an hour. After we were escorted to a room, I was told to change into a gown and lay down. I had a male nurse come in and check the baby's heartbeat (it was our first time, so we both teared up) it was 161. He asked me the reason for coming in, after I told him I was on medicine that could cause birth defects, he just kind of stared at me and then left. After two hours of waiting in the room, I had a Dr. M*****L W***S come in and ask me why I was there. I then explained to him, and he told me "You really shouldn't even be in the Emergency Room unless you're having a miscarriage." I'm not exaggerating. Then he began to ramble on about I don't know what, and he wasn't even speaking to me - He was talking to my boyfriend the entire time, like I wasn't even there. So I left there scared out of my mind, annoyed with the arrogant asshole doctor, a 10 day perscription for a pregnancy-safe BP med, Aldomet, and with discharge forms referring me to a Dr. K**T W***E . Bad Idea. Finally, my insurance comes through. I get to see the ObGyn that I was referred to on December 19, 2009. He seemed friendly at first, along with his staff. A short wait. I got in, BP and weight taken, sat down with the doctor. and I instantly felt uncomfortable with him. After only a few Q&A, he said "Okay, follow me." He took me to one of the rooms for a complete pelvic exam. I had to get completely naked, put a tiny white paper sheet over my bottom half, and a tiny pink paper sheet over my top half. He came in, along with my boyfriend, as well as the women who took my BP (I have no idea why). He checked my breasts first, which were incredibly tender at this point. It was painful enough to make me tear up. Then he did the pelvic exam by pressing extremely hard on my abdomen, as a cold metal object was placed into my vagina to open it up. *&%$(^%OUCH! After that appointment, he told me to schedule an ultrasound to find out exactly how far along I was. I got in on January 6th. It was scheduled for 11am, but they called me at 7am and asked me to come in at 9am because one of the Tech's were sick. It's not enough that I had morning sickness (since 7 weeks, and still going strong) and didn't get enough sleep, but I also had to drink 32oz. of water the moment I woke up. Ugh. We get there, do the ultrasound, and make an appointment to find out the results. I get back in on January 18, the Dr. says that I was roughly 16 weeks at the time of the ultrasound, and that my new due date would be June 17, 2010 (it was originally May 25). He asked if we had any questions, so my boyfriend asks, "When do we find out the sex?" The Dr. looked at me and chuckled and said "Oh no, that part's over with. You'll find out the day you give birth..." At this point my eye was twitching, and I wanted to leave as quickly as possible. I remember getting into the car, cursing everything that I saw and saying "I fucking HATE yellow!" I was upset, to say the least. I knew at this point I wanted a different Doctor. I picked up my medical records and made up some excuse about moving back to South Carolina (I hate to hurt feelings). Then I began looking in my insurance directory to find a doctor. I called all of the ones in my city to see if they were delivering and accepting new patients. Most of them weren't. I found a group called Physicians for Women, which Mary Ann Jones was a part of. I tried calling my insurance to switch my Doctor, and the customer service representative said, "She's not in our system." I was so irritated. I was staring at the directory, and she was clearly in the system. I was convinced I was going to have to keep the current ObGyn. The next day, I got a bill for $300 from the Emergency Room. I copied my ID and insurance cards and sent it back to the billing company. Which they sent back to me, with another bill. @#$%^&WTF?! My insurance was supposed to cover it! For about a week I had given up, things were not going well for me. Then I decided to give it another try. I called my insurance again, asked for them to switch my ObGyn, and voila! She was in the system. I called the billing company and they were like "Oh, sorry, disregard that bill." PHEW! Okay, back on track. Well, sort of. I go into Physicians for Women in February. Weight is good, I've actually lost 7 lbs. since I got pregnant. But the MidWife was extremely concerned about my Blood Pressure. Apparently the old ObGyn was not doing his job. No surprise. I needed stronger BP meds, all of my bloodwork re-done. Thyroid hormone was way off, so I needed a higher dose. Oh, and the best part: my ultrasound report from January 6th said that I needed another one done at 20 weeks. So that ObGyn lied. Thanks a lot. I got another ultrasound done mid-February. It's a girl! I was so excited that I called my mom (she was the only person who said it was a girl) and she was very happy. I told my dad and he said "Oh no, it was supposed to be a boy." I died a little. Then I talked to my brother Kenny. I had to convince him that I wasn't lying, and that it was a girl. He sounded pretty disappointed. Okay... I call my brother Eric to tell him the news... And he says: "It's a girl? Well that fuckin' sucks..." That was my limit. I burst into tears. This was my life. Why couldn't anyone be happy for me?! They all tried to say I "took it the wrong way" (bullshit) and they were sorry, but the damage was done. All routine ObGyn appointments, BP is good, weight is good (I've only gained 10 lbs. this far), urine is clean, uterus/baby measuring perfectly. Things seemed to be going perfectly for a while. Until April 8th. My BP was up and I had protein in my urine for the first time. I had to go directly to the hospital for a Non-Stress test and blood work. Another NST and blood work the next day. That night I had a missed call from my ObGyn, saying go to the hospital. I was being screened very closely for PreEclampsia and HELLP. I had elevated liver enzymes or something. She wanted me to do a 24 hour urine sample and to get two steroid shots in my hip within 24 hours to help the baby's lungs develop in case of an emergency c-section were to happen. Well, the problems went as fast as they came. The protein was normal, BP stayed fairly low, and the problems didn't progress, thankfully. But my doctors weren't convinced. I've lost count of how many NST's I've done in the past month. I just finally got a two week break from going to the ObGyn, regular weekly NST's though. At my last appointment, my Doctor expressed that she was very shocked that I made it to 33 weeks. I forgot to mention that whenever I cook, take a shower, or walk in Wal-Mart, I vomit. Other than that, my morning sickness is just a sea-sick feeling where I gag a lot, but no satisfying-gut-wrenching hurls. I've had no wonderfully insatiable cravings whatsoever. I don't have hormonal moody breakdowns, besides that first month. I'm 34 weeks as of today (May 06, 2010). I've just recently lost my mucus plug (TMI), and the baby has dropped (Finally some eating and breathing room! And no heartburn! [nothing got rid of the heartburn]). I forgot to mention that she will be named Nora Mackenzie Mead. I'm closer than ever to seeing my baby girl. The boyfriend got a job, which I am very happy about. I plan on starting school this August for Nursing (That's another blog), which I am very nervous about. Things are looking up, and my fingers are crossed. Anyways, I'd love to read anyone else's pregnancy stories. Any advice/support for a new mom, trying to make the decision to breast/bottle feed, someone entering school, anything that you'd like to talk to me about, really. I don't have many to talk to anymore, since I lost three of my closest friends due to my pregnancy, so any new friends are welcome! (= |
